If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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