Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
