so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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