the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
