So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
