Please, let me fuck your mom
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
