Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
