My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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