How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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