I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
