I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
two words...techno handjob
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
