lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
