After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
