Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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