On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
