I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You are the jesus of drinking
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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