I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Couch. On fire.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
