tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
