gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
