Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
