He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
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