Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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