I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
