Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
