Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
