Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
