The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
