i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
