i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
