She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
