the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
