So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
