I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
