Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
