She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
