Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
