She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
