so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
