Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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