Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
