HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
