He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
