And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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