Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
