My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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