God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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