I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
