i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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