apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
