How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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