cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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